What Happened to Me? Signs of Spiritual Manipulation and False Shepherding

cmzbishopenterpris
Jun 30
4 min read

What Happened to Me?

Have you ever sat in church or in a conversation and heard something that just did not sit right in your spirit? Maybe you ignored it at first. Maybe you told yourself you were overreacting. However, over time, you began questioning yourself, your judgment, or even your sanity.

If that has happened to you, you are not alone. This is the question we need to ask when something feels spiritually off: What happened to me? That question is often the beginning of clarity. It helps us step back from confusion and begin to recognize spiritual manipulation for what it is.

When Spiritual Leadership Becomes Harmful (Spiritual Manipulation)

Today’s post is not about becoming suspicious of every pastor or church leader. The goal is to become biblically discerning, not cynical or enable church hopping. Scripture repeatedly warns God’s people about false shepherds because He deeply loves and protects His flock.

Spiritual manipulation can happen when someone misuses or misinterprets Scripture to control, oppress, or dominate another person. In short, it is the misuse of spiritual authority with Scripture for control rather than for God’s glory and the good of His people.

The Picture of a Shepherd

In the Bible, sheep were vulnerable animals. They wandered easily, could be led into danger, and depended on shepherds for protection, feeding, and guidance. That is why the image of shepherding matters so much. A good shepherd watches over the flock with care, while a false shepherd uses the flock for personal gain.

Jesus is the Good Shepherd in John 10. He feeds and gives life to His sheep, knows them by name, leads them in truth, protects them from destruction, and brings life, safety, and provision. By contrast, Ezekiel 34 describes false shepherds who feed themselves, neglect the weak, rule harshly, and allow the flock to become prey.

What False Shepherds Do

False shepherds do not always look obviously evil. Jesus warned that false prophets come in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. They may sound biblical, appear caring, or seem very gifted, but their true character is revealed over time.

The Bible helps us identify them by looking at three things: teaching, character, and fruit. This is what we call “testing the spirits” in the body of Christ (1 John 4:1). Here are a few questions to ask to evaluate people in positions of authority in the church:

• Do they teach Scripture in context and proclaim the gospel faithfully?

• Do they show humility, integrity, and accountability?

• Do their ministries produce maturity in Christ, or dependence on the leader?

That is where discernment matters. The issue is not personality or popularity. The issue is whether their leadership reflects the heart of Christ or the pattern of control.

How Manipulation Feels

Spiritual manipulation often does not begin with obvious cruelty. It starts subtly, and trust is slowly replaced by fear, confusion, and unhealthy dependence. Women in these situations often describe:

• fear of questioning.

• shame.

• peer pressure.

• confusion.

• self-doubt.

• spiritual exhaustion.

• loss of trust in their own discernment.

Those reactions are not signs that you are weak. They are often signs that something unhealthy has been happening for a long time.

Common Manipulation Patterns

Spiritual manipulation often shows up in a few repeated ways.

Fear

Fear keeps people from questioning. It says, “If you ask questions, something bad will happen.” That is why the Bible calls believers to test everything and hold fast to what is good.

Shame

Shame attacks identity instead of leading to repentance and restoration. Healthy correction points people toward grace and truth, while manipulation leaves them feeling condemned and crushed.

Pressure

Pressure rushes decisions and removes space for prayer and discernment. Manipulative leaders often use urgency to bypass careful thinking and push people into compliance.

Control

Control goes beyond biblical authority and reaches into areas God has not assigned to leaders, such as friendships, finances, or personal decisions. That is not shepherding when one has not specifically asked for guidance or counsel. That is overreach.

Misuse of Scripture

This is one of the most dangerous forms of manipulation. Scripture can be twisted or isolated to justify authority, silence questions, or make people feel they are disobeying God when they are actually resisting a distortion of God’s Word.

Silencing Questions

Healthy leaders welcome thoughtful questions. Manipulative leaders frame questions as rebellion. But truth has nothing to fear from honest testing.

What Healthy Leadership Looks Like

Biblical leadership is never about domination. Jesus redefined leadership in Mark 10:42–45 as servanthood, humility, and example. Faithful shepherds:

• teach God’s Word faithfully.

• point people to Christ, not themselves.

• serve rather than dominate.

• welcome accountability.

• correct with gentleness.

• care for the weak and vulnerable.

• equip believers to mature in Christ.

A helpful question to ask is this:

Is this leadership helping me become more dependent on Christ and His Word, or more dependent on the leader?

If you are asking questions now…

If you are beginning to realize that something in your spiritual environment was harmful, do not rush to minimize it.

You are allowed to ask:

• What have I been calling normal that was actually harmful?

• Where did I feel pressured instead of shepherded?

• What truths about God do I need to relearn?

Those are not rebellious questions. They are honest ones. Honest questions are often where healing begins.

The Hope of the Gospel

The good news is that Jesus is not like false shepherds. False shepherds take, scatter, manipulate, and seek their own glory. Jesus gives Himself, gathers, restores, and leads in truth. He does not crush the weak. He seeks the scattered.

Ezekiel 34:11–12 says that God Himself will search for His sheep and look after them. That means if you have felt scattered, confused, or wounded, you are not forgotten.

Closing Prayer

Lord, help us tell the truth about what happened without fear or shame. Give clarity where there has been confusion, courage where there has been silence, and healing where there has been harm. Teach us to recognize Your voice and follow You with confidence. Amen.

See our podcast episode over this topic!