A Godly Woman: Expectations vs. Reality

A Godly Woman Expectations vs Reality

Biblical Womanhood

As a woman, I had many misconceptions about what biblical womanhood is. I thought it was being weak, a doormat, and checking off a list of tasks defined by the Proverbs 31 woman in the Bible. I could not have been more wrong. When we do a proper examination of Scriptures such as Proverbs 31, we glean a much deeper understanding of what being a Godly woman is truly about.

Because of my misunderstanding, I was left with a strong inferiority complex in my life. Along with my lack of understanding of the Gospel, I was left with wondering what my identity in Christ was. Because I could not fulfill this long task list "appropriately," I felt inadequate in the sight of the Lord and my family. It caused me to be unhappy and look for fulfillment in many things that did not include God, or my home. Does this sound like you? If it does, do not fret sister! I have been where you are. That is why understanding how to properly study God’s Word is so important. Just in case you need a guide to get started on that, you can find one here!

What is a Godly woman, truly? What makes biblical womanhood such a sought after, yet avoided, topic of conversation in the church today? Part of it comes from a gross misunderstanding of what the Word of God truly teaches on this subject. That misunderstanding has led to not only women feeling incapable but has even led to men justifying abuse in the home under the guise of Christianity. Understanding that God the Father has a favorable view of women in His Word is extremely important. We cannot understand how the Word of God applies to our lives today if we do not understand what it meant to the intended audience.

What is a virtuous woman?

We see right from the beginning that woman is made in the image of God, just as man is.

Let’s look at Genesis 1:26-28:

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Man and woman were created equally in God’s Word. God has set things up for us as women in a way that will allow a Godly woman to thrive and step into her God-given purpose in Christ.

This brings me to the next passage I want to look at: Proverbs 31:10-31.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Women normally approach this passage in one of two ways. They either love it because they aspire to be like this woman or dread it for the same reason. This passage has a couple of different interpretations. I used to believe that it was written for women so we would know how to run our homes, or at least, what is expected of us. However, this is not the case. This passage was words from a mother to a son regarding the qualities his future wife should have.

Regardless of the stance you take on the interpretation, here are the characteristics of a Proverbs 31 Woman according to this passage:

Attributes of A Virtuous Woman

I want to impress upon you that our number one priority as women of God is to be an ambassador of Christ Jesus. We are here to spread His gospel message. Part of that means serving those around us because we want to please God and spread the light of Christ. Being an ambassador means to act as a diplomat in a foreign land. It means we have been deemed trustworthy, respected, loyal, and knowledgeable according to our King.

When you take inventory of those you have around you in your home, church, work, society, etc., would Jesus Christ categorize you as someone He deems trustworthy, respectable, loyal to Him, and knowledgeable about His Word? Would Jesus Christ send YOU as His diplomat…because that’s exactly what He has done. As Godly women, we have been sent to the ungodly around us to be the ones walking in representation of our Lord, Jesus Christ. How do you represent Jesus Christ to those you influence?

Proverbs 14:1 says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” Ladies, the way we represent Christ combined with how we manage our lives makes all the difference in our homes. We must build our house on a firm foundation, or it WILL fall! This brings me to the Titus 2 Woman mandate. Titus 2:3-5 states,

“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

As we become mature women of God, we have a mandate to teach younger women. In order to do so, there are a few characteristics that need to be present. We should be reverent in behavior. In other words, as Christians, we will continue to be sanctified by the Holy Spirit, and everything we do should be intended to glorify God the Father. Secondly, we should not gossip. As women of God, we need to stay away from bringing false accusations against brothers and sisters in Christ. This includes causing division among the brethren where unnecessary. We should also have enough self-control to stay away from anything that is scandalous or could keep us enslaved to sin. These are just a few of the attributes of a mature woman required to mentor, teach, or disciple younger women in the body of Christ.

What things do the older women teach the younger women?

What are older women called to teach younger women? Titus 2

This does not mean that single women are excluded from these things. There are some who are meant to be single, as we see in 1 Corinthians 7.

Having said all of that, this brings me to a second point that is extremely important in this conversation. This is what sets me apart from the other women teaching these things. I want to talk to you about discernment.

Discernment Defined and Why It's Important for a Godly Woman!

Discernment, according to the Helps Word study on Bible Hub, is defined as “a judgement, i.e. discernment (conclusion), which distinguishes “look-a likes”, i.e. things that appear to be the same. Here is an example given on this site. Hebrews 5:14 states, “But solid food relates to mature people, of those having the sense-faculties trained on account of the habit – (namely) for discernment of both good and (what is) miserably bad.” In other words, discernment is a judgement that distinguishes truth from error. Why is this so important for women, specifically? Let’s go back to the garden in Genesis 3:1. The serpent said to Eve, “…Did God really say…”

If you have spent any time in the Word of God, or in the church, you know that this tactic is still being used now. Because of that, we must be able to distinguish between truth and error. Unfortunately, being caught up in the false belief system that I was in made me realize they are not as obvious as everyone thinks they are. In fact, the Word of God says Satan is transformed as an angel of light and his ministers will be ministers of righteousness! (2 Corinthians 11:14-15)

We MUST train our children to watch for this as well. It is important to be able to discern truth from error. What I have learned mentoring and teaching women over the years is that we cannot protect them from seeing it. However, we can expose our children and younger women we teach and mentor to the absolute truth of God’s Word!

This is why Biblical Accountability is so important for a Godly Woman!

As Christians, we NEED accountability. I am going to throw myself under the bus here. I need biblical accountability. I am human. Knowing that I answer to God is really intimidating. When you start mixing a tribe of women into the equation, it adds pressure too, especially if you teach and mentor. We must be willing to be the same person behind the keyboard as we are in front of the keyboard. When you start talking to as many people as I do, you cannot be inconsistent. You must be willing to take constructive criticism from people whom you trust. I will be the first person to admit, this one is difficult, but necessary.

There should be people we trust in our lives that we can go to and talk with about our issues. Sometimes, that means admitting to something we do not want to. I like the way an article on The Gospel Coalition puts it, “When we share our hidden darkness with our sisters, we aren’t aiming for redemption, but reflection.” Confessing our sins to one another as James 5:16 puts it, is not for forgiveness of sins. Confession is simply the act of disclosing our sins or faults.  Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” It helps us reflect on the things we have done as we are convicted, even if it is just to God Himself. Confession helps us acknowledge the grace of God at work in our lives. This is what accountability looks like.

Proverbs 27:17 states, "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend."

There is mutual benefit in the rubbing of two iron blades together; the edges become sharper, making the knives more efficient in their task to cut and slice. Likewise, the Word of God is a “double-edged sword” (Hebrews 4:12), and it is with this that we are to sharpen one another—in times of meeting, fellowship, or any other interaction.

As Christians, it is vital to hold each other accountable and remain in fellowship with likeminded Christians!

As Godly women, it is not bad to have grand expectations of yourself. However, it is vital to understand why you have those expectations so that you can realistically fulfill them!

Part of this platform is going to be providing different tools and resources for women to use for training their discernment and accountability. The other part is to help educate women on how to mentor and instruct women according to Titus 2:3-5 to combat the false beliefs out there. If any of these interests you, or you know anyone who would be interested, please sign up for my email list so I can alert you to what is coming!

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